Bad Reputation Read online

  The second Remi saw the article about Wes, it was all over. She wouldn’t be going back to Out of Bounds, even if it was under the agreement that she and Wes were done. Because the media had swooped in for the kill. It wouldn’t be long before questions were asked and larger publications started to sniff around.

  Thankfully, her name wasn’t mentioned in the article, but if the show went ahead in its current format, then the chances of her walking away unscathed were nil.

  Unfortunately, Wes didn’t have that luxury. Of course she was still furious that he’d lied to her, but that paled in comparison to the insinuation that he was taking advantage of people. Even though there would be no evidence to support any illegal—or even unethical—practices in his show, the bad stench of such suggestions could hang around forever. People might chose not to work with him in the future because of it.

  And he didn’t deserve that. Wes was a great director—kind and encouraging and inspiring. Exactly the same as in his personal life. But where did this leave her? Them? The show?

  Remi did the only thing that might help. She texted her mother. A second later, the distinctive Skype ringtone shattered the quiet and Remi settled on the couch with her laptop.

  “What’s wrong, possum?” Opal’s face showed up clear for a second and then broke down into a pixelated mess before landing somewhere in the middle.

  Bloody hell. Where did she even start? She had no idea what she expected her mother to say, because all she would do was reinforce Opal’s belief that the ballet world was destructive and toxic and negative.

  “Is it ballet or a boy?” her mother asked. Even with the slightly blurry screen, Remi could detect a knowing smile. “Both?”

  “How do you always know what’s wrong?” Remi rolled the piece of citrine in her hand, out of the way of the screen. For some reason, the little yellow lump of rock had comforted her since everything went to crap.

  You’re legit going crazy now, turning to rocks for support.

  But it wasn’t really that. When things went to hell in a handbasket, only her mother could help. And since a hug wasn’t in the cards, a rock would have to do.

  “Because I know you better than anyone.” Opal smiled. “Anytime I’ve seen you frown since the time you were six years old, it was either ballet or a boy.”

  “It’s both.” She spilled the whole story to Opal, everything from the way Wes found her and her struggles with choreography, to Lilah’s meddling and Wes’s deception, to Annie’s secret and all its unhappy aftermath. “What should I do?”

  “I’d like to be selfish and say come home.”

  Remi blinked. Opal had never once asked her to come home, never once even mentioned it. “Selfish?”

  “When my baby is hurting, I want to hug her.”

  A lump lodged in the back of her throat. It was times like this that homesickness grabbed her by the throat. How easy would it be to pack her things and hop on a plane? To never come back? What did she really have tying her to New York anymore?

  Nothing.

  But then she’d be no better than the person she’d been four years ago, running away from her problems as if it could solve everything. And she knew now that it didn’t. For four years, she’d avoided her dreams, avoided connecting with people because she might get hurt. Working on Out of Bounds had shown her that she’d been living half a life. An incomplete life. And she deserved so much more.

  “Would you come here?” she asked. “To New York?”

  “If you need me, I’ll come.” Opal cocked her head, frizzy hair backlit by the light above their kitchen table. “You know that.”

  Remi imagined she was there right in front of her mother, like she used to be every time she had a problem. They’d sit at the crooked, little table in the kitchen, mismatched mugs of green tea in their hands, while Opal soothed all her worries.

  “You’ve got to come clean with Wes,” her mother said, breaking into Remi’s thoughts. “I know I sound like a broken record, but honesty is the best policy. If, after it all comes out, you need to walk away, that’s fine. But do it with a clear conscience.”

  “You’re right.” She bobbed her head. “It’s been eating away at me.”

  “As for the dancing…can you live without it?”

  “No.” The response was so instant it took Remi aback. “It’s been hard, but I finally feel like I have some purpose again. I feel…useful. Fulfilled.”

  “Then why do you need me to give you an answer?”

  This was where she belonged—in New York, dancing. Feeling scared of failure because it meant she was actually striving for something instead of letting life pass her by. It hurt to be away from her family. It hurt to put herself out into the world raw and vulnerable. It hurt to face the consequences of her actions.

  But she was doing something instead of being passive in her own life.

  “I want you to come,” Remi said. “I miss you and I’m worried if I come home…”

  It would be so easy not to go back to the show. But she needed to be strong and face the cast. Face Wes.

  “Talk to me after you’ve settled things with Wes,” her mother replied. “And then if you still need me, I’ll pack my bags.”

  Relief filtered through her system. Opal was not like most mothers, but she was still a mother. “I love you, Mum.”

  “I love you too, poss.” She put her hands to the screen. “You’re stronger than you think.”

  As she ended the call with her mother, a text came through from Wes.

  WES: I know you’re mad at me, but I need you. I have to fix this. All cast meeting at 11am. I hope you’ll come.

  * * *

  Remi looked at the text for what must have been the hundredth time as she walked toward the Attic.

  I need you.

  The words made her breath catch, made a feeling of hope stir in her chest. But she tamped it all down. This wasn’t about feelings; it was about doing what was right. Wes had given her a chance when no one else would, so she would be there for him. Regardless of how anything went down, she was not going to let people think that he took advantage of her.

  She had made that mistake, and now she would own up to it.

  Her stomach roiled at the thought of having to come out with something so private in front of a group of people, and it dawned on her that this must be how he felt reading his reviews on Bad Bachelors. Despite the good it did, there was a whole insidious side to it. And Remi vowed that she would block the damn thing from her computer and never look at it again.

  Guilt knifed through her. Wes wasn’t the only one keeping secrets in this situation—Remi had hidden her connection to Bad Bachelors. And though she’d tried to convince Annie to take the review down, ultimately it didn’t matter. She’d still kept it from him. So, she would come clean. At least then, when she walked away for good, it would be with nothing hanging over her head.

  Shaking off the thoughts of her damaged relationships with Wes and Annie, and her fears about facing the cast, she trudged up to the theater’s entrance.

  “Girl, I thought you’d fallen off the face of the earth.” Angelo came up behind her, a concerned expression belying his teasing tone. “What the hell is going on?”

  “Not everything Lilah told you is true,” Remi said, and Angelo looked at her sheepishly. “But some of it was. I think Wes is going to clear everything up today, so I won’t steal his thunder.”

  “Are you okay?” he asked as they headed into the theater together.

  “I’ll survive,” she replied with a shaky smile. “I always do.”

  Survival. It’s what she’d done last time, fleeing to America after losing Anabella. A wave of grief hit her out of nowhere, the force sucking the air from her lungs and painfully squeezing her heart. Angelo steadied her, but she waved him off, making out like she’d simply tripped.

>   These days, she managed to keep memories at bay. The night she’d told Wes about losing her child, she’d been able to keep it together. But now, looking at the smoking ruins of what could have been, it was too much. Grief was strange like that; it fed on other parts of your life, gaining strength from unrelated darkness. Remi pressed a hand to her chest and felt the thumping of her heart.

  You’re doing the right thing. It doesn’t matter if everyone in here is judging you, because you owe Wes this.

  They walked into the theater. Wes stood on the stage, his head bent as he talked to Sadie. The rest of the cast was seated in the audience, along with Wes’s sister.

  Angelo ushered Remi into an aisle and she dropped down next to Melinda, one of the corps dancers. The other woman turned and smiled, curiosity painted over her pretty face though she was polite enough not to ask any questions. After a few more minutes, the rest of the cast was present. All with the exception of Lilah.

  “Thank you all for coming here today. I know there have been a lot of questions about the status of Out of Bounds recently, so I’m hoping to get everyone on the same page.” His eyes found hers across the rows of old red-and-gold-upholstered theater seats, and the connection zinged with electricity. No one else could make her feel so much with only a look. “As some of you may be aware, I had to let one of our cast members go. What happened is between me and that person. I won’t talk about it or criticize that person in public, so don’t bother asking me.”

  Remi bobbed her head slowly. Wes had integrity beyond the average person, that was for damn sure. After what Lilah had done, she deserved to be called out for her shitty behavior. But Remi knew that wasn’t Wes’s way. And his classy actions weren’t for show either.

  He’d never taken her to task in rehearsals for struggling to catch up, like some directors would have. Her well-intentioned ballet mistress in Australia never held back on giving feedback publically, even if it might dent a dancer’s confidence. That was the ballet world—striving for perfection meant facing harsh truths. But Wes had used a different approach—he’d pushed her, sure. But it’d happened in private, where she could react without fearing judgment from the rest of the cast.

  Then why did he lie to you? He was in your home—in your bed—all the while knowing what was at stake.

  And that was the one thing she couldn’t let go of. If she hadn’t overheard Lilah talking to Angelo on the way into the theater, she would have walked into a shit storm totally unprepared. Totally unarmored.

  By staying silent, Wes had shown where his loyalties lay: with his career. And that was fine; she should have known that would be the case. Because when push came to shove, people in this industry valued their careers above all else. But Remi wasn’t content to be cast aside like that ever again.

  Chapter 22

  “I still want to believe in Happy Ever Afters. But I think fairy tales get it all wrong. We don’t need a prince to save us—we need to save ourselves.”

  —FormerlyJaded

  Wes scanned the crowd of curious faces. He had Sadie by his side, who’d turned up early with coffees in hand, ready to show her support.

  And then there was Remi. The second he looked at her, it was like everyone else faded away. In spite of how badly he’d messed up by lying to her, she’d come for him.

  “I do want to clear up some of the rumors that have been circulating. I am not in the habit of discussing my personal affairs in front of an audience,” he said. “But I also understand where I’ve made mistakes. Especially those that have affected this show. I want to dispel any suggestions about there being a ‘casting couch’ for this show. No dancers were selected due to anything other than their talent. I have never and will never take advantage of people.”

  Even saying it made his stomach twist in disgust.

  “However, Remi and I engaged in a relationship after she was chosen to be the lead in Out of Bounds.” His gaze sought her out in the audience, and even in the dim lighting, he could see the pink coloring her cheeks. But she nodded at him, giving her silent acceptance. “This had nothing to do with her role in the show. We kept it quiet because…well, we didn’t know how to label it. And we both understood there could be implications of announcing it. Unfortunately, this information has made its way into a public forum, and it’s taking over the press we had started to build for Out of Bounds.”

  The Spill the Tea article was one of a handful that had broken that morning. How much longer would it be before larger outlets picked it up? Before someone got Lilah to speak?

  “I had two decisions in front of me. We could press on and hope that the media believed me when I told them the truth. We could hope that the show was good enough to blow everything out of the water to the point where people stopped gossiping.” He sucked in a huge breath, his heart and lungs crushed by regret. “But my fear is that these questions will linger, regardless of how well we do. I am loathe to allow any of you to be tainted by such rumors, especially Remi.”

  Her eyes widened, but she didn’t speak up.

  “This means, for the time being, I am halting production of Out of Bounds.”

  A confused din rose up from the audience, the cast members looking to one another with bewilderment. A few people started to ask questions, but Wes held up a hand.

  “You will all be paid for the time you were contracted, and I will do it out of my own pocket.” It was going to make starting up the show at a later point difficult, but he’d be damned before he reneged on the promises he’d made to his cast. “My hope is that the noise dies down and that we can resume Out of Bounds at a later point. This was an incredibly tough decision to make, but I thought long and hard about it. My reputation has already been called into question, so I can only behave in the best way I know how in order to make amends.

  “Remi’s reputation, however, might be spared by a delay in production. Now, I could press on regardless and understand that she might want to withdraw. But the fact is, there is no Out of Bounds without Remi. The unique quality that she brings to this production is irreplaceable. In some companies or in other productions, people are replaceable. But I believe in everyone here as individuals, so I hope that explains why I’m making this decision.”

  In the audience, Remi’s eyes glittered. She pressed a hand to her chest but sat still as a statue, like she’d been frozen by his words.

  “I will not forge ahead by putting her needs and reputation second to my own goals.”

  He brought his hands together, fighting the urge to say everything else that bubbled away in his head. It would be too easy to shout out what he felt for her, but that would need to be a private moment between them. For now, Wes was sick of private things being made public, and he would not go into further detail about his relationship with Remi. All he could do was hope that his actions were speaking loud and clear this time.

  “I need more time to speak with our investors before I know where this leaves us. For now, I’ll let you all go, but you can expect information from me in the coming days as to what the next steps are.” He tried to smile, but today it wouldn’t happen. “I thank you in advance for your understanding and patience while we navigate this speed bump.”

  The cast sat for a moment, clearly shell-shocked by the news. He knew some of them would find other work in the meantime. The investors might leave and his own finances might take a hit so badly that the show could die all together.

  So be it.

  This was the sacrifice he had to make for Remi. Because it was true what he’d said—she was irreplaceable. In this show and in his life. One by one, the cast stood and headed for the exit. Chantel came to the front of the stage and looked up at him.

  “I’m proud of you, Bro. That took balls.” She grinned. “I know you’ll get this show going. You have our support one hundred percent.”

  “Good, because I’ll be living on baked beans and toast
after it’s all done,” he quipped. “I’ll have to sell the apartment and live in the suburbs.”

  Chantel shuddered. “Please don’t joke about that. You know I don’t go below Forty-Seventh.”

  Sadie squeezed his shoulder and left him to wallow in his misery. He crouched down and rested his forearms on his knees, as if inspecting the ground beneath his feet to make sure it wasn’t falling away. He had no idea how long he stayed there, staring at the lines in the wood, wondering what had caused those imperfections and scratches. When he finally stood, only one person remained in the theater. Remi.

  “You’d better go before they turn the power off,” he joked. His footsteps echoed through the quiet building as he walked across the stage and down the steps to the red-carpeted aisle. “We’re no longer tenants of this theater.”

  Remi waited for him to reach her, her hands knotted in front of her body. She looked every bit as beautiful as the memories flashing in his head like a movie montage—same rosy cheeks with scattered freckles, same gold hair and sunshine smile.

  “Does that mean we’re going to be breaking the rules again? I have a habit of doing that around you.”

  “Bad influence, that’s what my friends say.” He cleared his throat. “Thanks for coming today. I wasn’t sure you would.”

  “I wasn’t sure I would either,” she replied. “But I didn’t want anyone believing Lilah. You don’t deserve that.”

  He glanced around the empty theater. Later, he’d have to come back for all the bits and pieces they’d left behind—like Alfred—but right now, he wanted to get the hell away from it all. How could things have been messed up so badly?

  Because you didn’t speak up. You didn’t let her in when you should have been honest about what was going on. It affected her, and you kept quiet.

  “I meant what I said before.” He jammed his hands into his pockets. “There is no show without you.”

  “What if I don’t want to come back?” she asked.